To find out if someone is a native of the San Francisco Bay Area, ask them the following questions*.
1) Complete the following phrase:
Dublin, Berkeley, San Lorenzo, Cupertino, __________
2) Name the five bridges that cross San Francisco Bay.
(Extra credit: put them in order from north to south. Extra extra credit: explain how to get across the Golden Gate Bridge during rush hour in less than an hour.)
3) Complete the following phrase:
2400 Mission, top of the hill, __________
4) You're at a San Francisco Spiders hockey game at the Cow Palace. (True: a team called "the Spiders" played at a place called "the Cow Palace." Go figure.) A woman comes out to sing the Star Spangled Banner wearing a huge hat with a model of the entire financial district, including the TransAmerica building, on top of it.
5) Explain the following joke:
"I don't want to call her ugly, but whenever I say 'TV 20,' she turns her head."
6) Which of the following is your typical response to an earthquake?
7) Match up the following people with the phrases/shows they're associated with:
1) Bob Wilkins a) Bagdad-by-the-Bay 2) Pat McCormick b) Creature Feature 3) Herb Caen c) Sacratomato 4) Dr. Donald D. Rose d) Dialing for Dollars
8) If someone asked you how to drive from San Francisco to Los Angeles, what would be your response?
9) Which of the following is NOT, repeat NOT, a valid name for a Bay Area sports stadium, and I don't care how much money they paid?
10) The word "Frisco" is:
11) The little man is on the edge of the chair, clapping wildly; the little man is sitting in the chair and clapping; the little man is sitting in the chair and leaning forward; the little man is asleep in the chair; and the chair is empty. What did I just describe?
12) In referring to a general region of the Bay Area, which of the following terms is never used? What is that area called instead?
13) BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) is not in fact rapid transit for the entire Bay Area. For instance, it doesn't run to Milpitas (but can you blame them?) Which of the following is another city that BART doesn't currently serve?
14) What is the proper name for the freeway running between San Jose and San Francisco closest to the bay (in other words, not 280)?
15) Which of the following would you be likely to see people wearing at Bay to Breakers?
Answers:
1) San Jose
2) From north to south:
Richmond-San Rafael Bridge
Golden Gate Bridge
Bay Bridge
San Mateo Bridge
Dumbarton Bridge
Extra credit answer: walk
3) Daly City
4) "c"
5
) It means she's a dog (if you still don't get it, ask a native to explain it to you)
6) "c"
7) Bob Wilkins -- Creature Feature
Pat McCormick -- Dialing for Dollars
Herb Caen -- Baghdad-by-the-Bay
Dr. Donald D. Rose -- Sacratomato
8) "c"
9) "d"
10) "b," "c," or "d"
11) The movie rating system in the pink section of the San Francisco Chronicle.
12) "b" -- it's called the Peninsula
13) "d" (Can you believe it? San Jose doesn't have BART. Neither does the entire
Peninsula south of Daly City. It's a conspiracy by those CalTrain people, I just know it.)
14) "c"
15) "e"
Scoring:
13-15 correct -- you're a true Bay Area native. Feel free to look down on Los Angeles with
pride. (You probably already do.)
8-12 correct -- you've probably lived in or near the Bay Area for awhile, but you're not yet a true native. You may occasionally leave the water running, or throw out your aluminum cans. Keep trying and you'll get better eventually.
4-7 correct -- You know a couple of things about the Bay Area, but you're far from being a native. Probably some of what you did get right were just lucky guesses. Go back to Los Angeles (even if you're not from there).
0-3 correct -- forget it. Don't kid you rself. You're not even a Californian, let alone a Bay Area native. Go back to Wisconsin. If you're not from there, you might as well be.
(Please send mail if you know who the orginal author of this quiz is. Document webbed and slightly modified by Glen Raphael. Enjoy!)
"Here. Try this little government program. It'll ease your pain.
The first bag is free.
- Michael McClary
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